Light at the end of the tunnel
by GuenevereNimueh
Summary: Its three years after the war but Harry is still struggling to find his footing. He felt dead yet the pain in his heart proved otherwise. Will he be able to find happiness and live normally like the rest of the world or will he continue to fight for freedom and light?
1. The Nightmare

Title: "Light at the end of the tunnel"

Summary: Its three years after the war but Harry is still struggling to find his footing. He felt dead yet the pain in his heart proved otherwise. Will he be able to find happiness and live normally like the rest of the world or will he continue to fight for freedom and light?

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'The nightmare'

If someone told you that you have to save the world and may die in the process, what will be your reaction?

I was subjected to this circumstance few years ago. I was surprised of course, who wouldn't? I was just a kid, barely even know much about myself and then I would be told that only I can defeat the dark lord? I just laughed it off of course.

But deaths came and go, for several years I have witnessed people I know, friends that I care, family that I love, died. Who sacrificed their lives for mine and to be under this scenario is bruising. I was confounded with several thoughts, it stung.

Then things changed, thoughts changed, feelings changed, and my views also changed. I accepted death like its second nature to me.

'Disappear. Disappear. Disappear.' I heard the voice inside my head say. The word seems so enticing, perfectly describing what I feel.

Looking up at the vast blue sky, I felt so alone and small. 'Disappear. Disappear. Disappear.' The voice repeated.

I closed my eyes feeling the wind caress my face. "Feel so nice." I silently mumbled while smiling at the sensation.

I moved a step forward and raised my hands up, like wings. 'Fly! Fly! Fly!' I heard the voice and birds sang in unison.

I opened my eyes and looked up once again, examining the word that roams in my head. 'Fly! Fly! Fly!' My feet started moving, quickly gaining speed in every step I take. "I'm flying." I declaim in a singsong joining the birds whistling a melody above me, basking in the feeling of being free.

Then suddenly, the singing halted, the wind stopped, the voice ceased. So I discontinue running. The light started disappearing and I was confronted with darkness. I was filled with fear.

Then I heard a noise so faint I couldn't describe what. I tried to focus my hearing to the source of the noise.

"Hello!? Is anyone there?" I called, trying to see in the dark.

"Hello!? Is anyone there?"

My words were echoed.

"Where are you?" I asked again a little louder.

"Where are you?"

My words were repeated like before but hearing closely I recognised some distinct differences, and concluded that someone's really there aside from me.

"I know you're there. Repeating my words won't help you." I declared firmly, I can still feel the fear inside me, but I hid them.

Then I heard them laugh. Every fiber of my being screamed danger.

_I have to leave this place, I have to get out. _ I took few steps back but the laughing subsided. Once again I was met with silence. It was the most agonising silence I have experienced in my life. It's tearing me apart.

"_Are you afraid?" _The voice of a man spoke as if taunting.

"I am not afraid! Show where you are!" I challenged him.

A blinding light appeared in front of me and couldn't help but cover my eyes.

"You are afraid." The voice continued again.

I peeled the hand covering my eyes to look at the owner of the voice. However, as soon as I laid my eyes on him I cursed myself at my fate.

"You're dead!" I exclaimed while I fished my wand inside my pocket, pointing it at him. "You're supposed to be dead! I killed you!" I shouted curses at him, my wand at the ready.

_This is only a dream, this is just a dream, a nightmare, like the others I've had before, I will wake up soon. _ I tried to convince myself. _This is just a dream, this is just a dream, this is just a dream! _I repeated the words like a mantra.

A smile full of contempt appeared on his face. "Indeed, I am dead. But I am alive… Inside you." Voldemort urged Harry to come to him, as if by force his body started moving on its own. Moving forward to his fate. To his death.

"I am you." Voldemort continued, eyes full of venom. Voldemort reached for him.

"No! I will never be you!" I cried angrily and aimed a crucio at him before he could grasp my hand.

The pain I felt was excruciating, I fell down as the curse entered my body. "Why."

"I told you, I. Am. You." Voldemort stated.

Those were the last words I heard before blackness consumed me.

"_Harry…"_

I heard faint cry of my name. But I was afraid to open them again. I don't want to see him. I don't want to be confronted by another nightmare. So I held them close.

"…_rry, …se wa.. up."_

"_Harry."_

The voices continued. Though afraid, I gathered my nerves and slowly opened them.

I was met with a pair concerned teary eyes.

"Harry!" The owner of the eyes exclaimed and hugged him in relief. "You're finally awake!"

"…mione." I managed to choke.

"Hey mate. Glad you could join the living again."

Harry turned to see his best mate. Though smiling he could clearly see that the latter was trying his best not to be emotional. He wanted to tease him for displaying such feeling but curiosity overcame him. He doesn't know what happened or what have he gotten himself again this time.

He must have shown on his face the desire to know his current situation for Hermione spoke again.

"You're in St. Mungo's." She filled in while wiping the tears on her face with the back of her hand. But when she found it hard to continue she sought the help of Ron now her husband.

"Ginny brought you here. You've been asleep for 5 days mate. We thought you'll never wake up." Ron kept on.

"3 days?" He asked, perplexed by the information.

Ron nodded in agreement. "Ginny saw you on the floor. She thought you were asleep but when she tried to wake you and you wouldn't budge, she brought you here immediately."

"The healers couldn't find what's wrong; they tried every potion, spells that may help wake you up but you just kept unconscious." Hermione added. "It's like you're alive and yet… dead."

Harry fell silent; he doesn't know what to say. It is indeed after all what he felt exactly. Alive and yet dead.

Before he could speak again a knock interrupted them.

A healer he assumed came inside.

"I'm glad you're finally up!" She greeted with a warm smile.

Harry tried to respond with the same vigour but managed to express his worry otherwise.

"Oh, Harry. You will be fine. We're doing everything we can to help you." The healer assured him, though he doesn't know from what exactly. What kind of help does he need? He's not badly ill, is he?

He wanted to voice his concern but was confused when his eyes caught a glimpse of silver and found the last person he expects to see at the doorway.

Everyone followed his eyes and saw Draco Malfoy leaning at the door.

"We have assigned Draco to check on you while we're conducting our diagnosis."

"What!?" He asked louder than he intended. Surely they wouldn't just let the blonde take care of him. His friends know how they had treated each other since they were kids.

"Exactly our reaction when we first heard of it." Ron replied.

"Harry, as unbelievable as it may sound, Malfoy is a healer and he's one of the best staff here in St. Mungo's." Hermione explained which the healer nodded in pride and agreement.

Harry saw Draco with the ever familiar smirk planted on his face. And he couldn't help himself but sigh. Another nightmare apparently is coming his way.

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TBC


	2. The Beginning

'The beginning'

After Ron and Hermione bid their goodbyes, he was left with his living nightmare. Draco Malfoy. Who was currently arranging the potions on the table with his back on Harry.

"I never thought you would be a healer." He said after a while to make a conversation with his childhood enemy.

A snort came out of the latter's mouth. "Surprise, surprise." Malfoy's short response. "Here drink this."

He saw Malfoy handing him a vial of liquid. Harry didn't realize that he was looking at the vial for quite a while until he heard Malfoy speak again.

"Don't you worry Potter, this is not poison." He reluctantly reached for it and emptied its content. He groaned at the taste.

"Good boy." Malfoy gave him a pat on his shoulder as if praising him.

"How long have you been a healer?" He asked after a while ignoring the feeling of burning sensation where Malfoy's hand had been.

"6 months." The slytherin replied shortly.

Surprise must have shown on his face as he saw Malfoy with his infamous smirk and eyebrow raised.

"Why? Are you worried Potter? I assure you, I may be new but your arse is in good hands."

Harry wanted to retort, to say that he was just surprise but the blonde's words brought lump in his throat. He shook his head trying to clear his thoughts, appalled by how appealing Malfoy's hand on his arse sound.

When he returned his eyes on the blonde he saw that he was still looking at him, bemused written on his face.

Harry decided to continue with his queries; after all if Malfoy is going to be his healer, at least it would be less awkward to have the blonde around if they make small talks.

He lets out a sigh and gathered his wits. "How did you become a healer?" But instead of a reply Malfoy responded with a look as if assessing him.

"It's not a matter of how, but why." The blonde finally replied before he resumed his work.

This brought confusion to Harry. What was the blonde's reason to become a healer?

"Why?" He voiced his curiosity.

"What's with the 21 questions?"

"I haven't even reached my fourth yet." Harry responded quickly. He really is just curious is all.

"But after 4th it will be 5th and so on."He heard Malfoy sigh before he saw him turned and they faced again.

"I don't know if you've heard about my mother but she was the reason why I became a healer."

Malfoy moved to sit on the chair near the window. Hands clasped in front of him. Harry could see that his childhood enemy's having an inner turmoil. He was about to tell Malfoy that he doesn't need to continue when he heard him speak again.

"After the sentence was passed and father died, mother suffered greatly. She was always depressed and wouldn't speak to anyone. After few months her health deteriorated and not long she died. I couldn't save my mother. So I decided to become a healer, to atone for my sins and save people." Malfoy shared, eyes fixed on the floor.

Harry was baffled but nodded in understanding. He's not used to see his enemy at this kind of state. He's used to seeing a snarky attitude from the blonde not the caring and solemn one.

"It was hard at first." Malfoy met his eyes before he continued. "With my name and being consistently seen as a remnant of the dark lord, no one dared give me a chance that I almost lost hope. But then a door opened and St. Mungo's offered me a position as a healer training. I have to prove to everyone that I can be trusted, that I can do the job and become a qualified healer." He leaned back in his chair smile crept on his face. "Now here I am, and the rest as they say is history." Malfoy ended confidently.

Harry fell silent, it's not that he doesn't know what to say, rather he was awed and dare he say impressed at the git in front of him that it left him speechless.

Malfoy didn't speak again after that. He continued with his work and soon as he was done he exited the room.

Harry still couldn't believe what just happened. For the first time in history, Malfoy and he managed to have a civilised conversation. In fact, in their short exchange the man even shared quite personal information to him. Which he believe the latter might regret once he realised what he had done.

It was not a secret that he prefers bloke and the reason for that was Malfoy. Draco sodding Malfoy. It was during the trial when he found out how in love he was at the git. How deeply, madly, deadly in love he was if he dare say, and to see him suffer by the stand, marked with forlorn and being scrutinised by the Ministry and the people who hates the man's name, brought pain to his heart.

A million thoughts about Malfoy raced through his mind until darkness consumes him for the night.

He found himself standing in the dark once again. He could hear contemptuous laughing which he had now memorised who it belongs to.

I felt the pain of the curse as it entered my body; gasping for breath. "Why." I asked to no one in particular.

"I told you." Voldemort started. "You and I are one. I. Am. You."

Voldemort moved forward and grabbed for his neck. His body was raised and the hand on his neck started to choke him.

He awoke gasping for air only to find Draco Malfoy leaning at him.

"Malfoy." Harry called surprised to see the man.

"You were thrashing around in your sleep." Malfoy started. "I was doing my rounds when I heard noises so I came to check." He continued explaining when he saw the confused look on Harry's face.

Harry blushed and looked away. "I was having a nightmare." He said in a low voice.

Malfoy snorted at that as if saying 'obviously'.

A smile crept on his face and he turned to look at the blonde "Thanks."

Malfoy was taken aback by what he heard. He didn't do anything that warrants any gratitude. "For what?" He couldn't help but ask.

As if realising what he had done, he stuttered as his blush deepens. "I...That is..." He muttered incoherently.

Harry heard a chuckle; he immediately brought his eyes to the source and glared.

"Sometimes Potter, I think you're more of a Slytherin than Gryffindor." Malfoy told him before leaving the room.

Harry was left baffled but somewhat amazed by the man's comment. He wanted to reply that indeed he has slytherin blood even if it's not pure.

Ginny came rushing into Harry's room with Molly and Arthur Weasley on her tail that morning.

They were stopped however by the healers attending Harry.

"Harry." Ginny greeted embarrassed by what happened.

"Hey." Harry replied.

Molly Weasley moved to his side and enveloped him in her arms. Tears marred her face. "I'm so happy to see you."

Arthur came forward and tapped his shoulders after Molly released him. "Good to see you up and about boy."

Harry's cheeks started to burn red. "Thank you." After so many years of being with them, he's still not used to their treatment.

Ginny stood beside him when Molly left his side to talk with the healers.

"How are you feeling?" She asked assessing his condition.

Harry smiled at the woman. "I'm okay. A little tired."

A look of worry plastered on her face "Did you sleep last night?"

He wanted to lie and say he did but Ginny would know immediately if he's lying or not, being with her for several years has its downturn. So he shook his head instead.

"Another nightmare?" She continued to enquire.

Harry nodded and replied shortly. "The usual."

"Oh Harry. Why don't you take a dreamless potion?"

Ginny had witnessed the torture that his nightmares brought him a mass of times and he knows from experience that she would not leave him alone on this one. But sometimes, he wished they would stop worrying over him. It's not that he doesn't care, it's the fact that he cares and he doesn't want to see them suffer because of him that he wants them to stop.

"You know I hate it."

"But if it will help you..."

Harry broke in. "Ginny. We've been through this before."

"I know but." Ginny lets out a sigh, decided not to finish her sentence. She knows him very well indeed.

"I'll be fine. The healers are here to help me."

"I do hope so." She replied in resignation.

The rest of their visit was spent enquiring, arguing, explaining, some more arguing and later on agreement, which Harry was just happy to know. They had agreed that he will stay in St. Mungo's until he recuperates, from what, he doesn't know. But if there's one thing he does know for sure was he doesn't want to impose anymore on the Weasley's.

Molly rose from her seated position and approached him full of worry in her eyes.

"Harry, I will make sure that you will have someone here with you every day." Molly hugged him again, as if she doesn't want to let him go. "Will you be okay here?" she asked.

"Don't worry about me. I can handle myself."

"Last time you said that, I found you lying on your floor unconscious." Ginny quipped in trying to brighten the mood.

Molly cupped his face in her hands gently. "Just remember, we are here for you okay?"

Harry nodded and bid them goodbye.

A heavy sigh escaped him after his visitors left. The smile that was plastered on his face during their conversations vanished. He still doesn't know what exactly happened to him, though he has an idea what may have brought it on but he just wants this to end and soon.

His eyes wandered outside the window of his room, staring at the clear blue sky as if taunting his foul feelings. Unbeknownst to him, a figure entered his room and was watching him.

His attention was caught when he heard someone cleared their throat. He turned his gaze to the source and saw Malfoy.

"I wouldn't ask how you are feeling. I believe you've heard them enough already." Malfoy started.

"Alright." Harry replied, confused.

"But there's something I want to know however." The blonde started to walk forward until he felt his legs touched the bed. "What are you thinking?"

Harry looked at Malfoy closely, to see if the latter was just making a fun of him but he saw only care and sympathy. He released another sigh and returned his eyes back to the window.

"I am thinking why I am still alive. After everything that happened, I am surprised that I am still breathing." Harry brought his eyes back to Malfoy before he continued. "I am not strong, I am not powerful and yet I am still alive. But, do I have the right to live when many people died because of me?" His eyes seek an answer from the blonde.

"It is as you said, many people died because of you and many still are. But it is exactly the reason why you should live. You were given a chance so grab it. They gave up their lives so you could live yours, the least you could do is appreciate it."

"But I don't know how, every time I close my eyes all I could see is endless darkness. I feel empty and the darkness, it continuously swallows me."

"That's why you have friends Potter. You have them to light your path. This darkness, this feeling of emptiness you have. They are just in your head. You have to get out of it otherwise, let someone in. You don't have to carry this alone." Malfoy said as he placed his hand on top of Harry's right, lying on his side. "Like I did." A smile appeared on the blonde's face before he continued. "You have almost everyone at your disposal Potter."

The gesture sent heat straight to his face. "You say it like it is so easy." He replied conscious of the hand covering his and the smile that slowly melts his barriers. "You're not the hero people expect to be there and save them at every given opportunity"

Malfoy sat on the bed but didn't move his hand covering Harry's.

"I know and I don't plan on being one. But you can't always expect yourself to act as everyone's saviour all the time. Even Merlin takes rest and enjoys being saved." Malfoy replied in a cool tone.

"Like he even needs it." Harry snorted.

"Of course he does. Who do you think watched his back when he's not looking? He wouldn't live long had he fought the battle alone. He helped everyone, may have saved every living on this planet even, but someone was always there to save him back, to catch him should he fall." Malfoy indicated.

Silence filled the room. They looked into each other's eyes full of unnameable emotions.

Harry plucks the courage and rotated his hand so he's holding Malfoy's. He felt the latter squeezed them and that's all he needed before he leaned and closed the gap between their lips.

Harry felt himself blush realising what he did after they separated.

"You call that a kiss?" The blonde teased. "No wonder the Weaslette left you."

Harry knows the man was only kidding but he still felt hurt with his words. "Hey." He reprimanded. "We broke up because..."

But the latter rejoined their lips again before he finished what he was going to say.

Harry didn't know how or when it happened but he felt the bed touched his back and the blonde on top of him, not that he mind. He's too happy to give a damn at the moment, loving the feeling of attention his not so secret crush is giving him.

Harry brought his hands at the back of Malfoy pulling him. A groan escaped his lips when he felt something brushed his lower region.

"Getting excited are we?" Malfoy said in a cool tone when they tore away from each other, as if what happened didn't affect the man. "Are you ready to let me in?" Malfoy asked suggestively.

Harry could tell that his face must be scarlet red. He thought about the words, avoiding the dirty image that tried to swam in his head. Is he ready? Swallowing the lump that had formed in his throat he nodded.

"I want to try. Will you be watching me?"

Malfoy's famous smirk appeared on his face.

"Always did, and always will be." He replied before closing the gap between them again.

Harry wished it's true, that he can still be saved. He wanted to experience the life outside the dark, outside his misery. He smiled at the sensation, with the lips marking every inch of his body; it tells him that everything will be alright, a light was already lit, he need only reach and follow it.

The end

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Hope you enjoyed the story.:-)


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